I Thought I Didn’t Have Enough Milk: On Successful Breastfeeding

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For 7 years, I struggled with low milk supply. I tried every natural remedy with no success. Eventually, I resigned to conclude that I simply didn’t have enough milk. Amazingly, after I gave birth to my 5th child, I was able to figure out what I was doing wrong all that time.

I had always wanted to breastfeed my babies for a full year, but I could never make my supply last longer than five months. When I had my 5th baby, I was desperate to find an answer. After polling my breastfeeding mama friends, I decided to ditch my schedule and offer the breast every time my baby cried. A remarkable thing happened– my supply picked up! For the first time ever, I exclusively breastfed my baby for 8 months. I was ecstatic. And then I continued to breastfeed till he turned 16 months. I was overjoyed.

Looking back, I’ve analyzed what I was doing to cause my low milk supply all those years. If you’ve ever felt like you just couldn’t produce enough milk for your baby, maybe you can learn from my mistakes.

  1. I was too strict with their schedule. I practiced Parent Directed Feeding with babies #2-4. The benefit to this eating/sleeping schedule is it helps them to start sleeping through the night by 8 weeks old (which is awesome!). But I believe I was way too strict with it. I was spacing out my baby’s feedings too far out. When I decided to abandon my schedule and offer the breast every time he cried, I noticed a significant boost in breastmilk!  Yes, I lost my precious sleep, (I was still getting up at night to breastfeed my baby when he turned one), but it was worth it to still be breastfeeding at all! Perhaps there’s a way to get the best of both worlds, but I’m not there yet.
  2. I didn’t permit dry sucking. They must be done. They’re not even getting anything anymore, is what I’d think once I could no longer I could hear them swallowing. I should’ve realized that dry sucking signals more milk production in my body. Instead, I’d pull them off, assuming I was empty and had no more milk to offer. What I should have done was allow them to suckle as long as they wanted because our bodies respond to dry sucking by producing more milk.
  3. I relied on my breast pump to inform me about my milk quantity. I wanted to know how much milk I was producing. So when I expected that my baby would be drinking a 3 oz. bottle, I’d be utterly dismayed when I could only pump out less than an ounce. How can they survive off of this?! I’d worry. But after abandoning the use of a breast pump, I now believe that a breast pump is just not a reliable way of determining the quantity you have. A baby is more effective at extracting milk than a machine, and I think your baby’s demeanor is a much more accurate way to determine if you’re producing enough. For years I measured my milk quantity by my breast pump, and it was always so discouraging. But once I dumped the pump, things just worked out.
  4. I interpreted all fussiness at the breast as indicators of a low milk supply. It was probably my low-milk-supply-paranoia that caused me to blame my babies’ fussiness at the breast on not having enough milk to offer. Eventually, I’d turn to a bottle just to see if they’d settle down with that (which usually didn’t work, but my insistency eventually won out). With baby #5, I started considering other causes for their crying such as gas, discomfort, dirty diaper, etc. So instead of offering a bottle whenever they cried at the breast, I began to burp them, run their legs, change their diaper, or just cuddle for a while. If they still refused the breast, I’d let them of the hook, and offer again at another time. Interestingly, though, helping them burp or release gas usually did the trick.

I know first hand how devastating it is to feel inadequate as a nursing mom. If you have questions or would like to share your own breastfeeding tips or resources, leave them in the comments below!

The Public Restroom Dilemma

20140723-141624-51384332.jpgMy kids are terrified of automatic toilets. It all started with my first child. The noisy crash of water swirling and splashing about sent her into sheer panic. Her toilet-terror must have been hereditary because all her potty-trained siblings followed suit. If they peeked into the stall and saw there was no handle, I’d immediately have little ones clinging to my legs, begging me to not make them go. Every trip to Target and the zoo included one of these dramatic episodes. I tried being stern, silly, and nonchalant about it, but rarely could I convince them to go.

Amazingly, my husband came up with a solution. It was pure genius. Cover the motion sensor with a piece of toilet paper. Now they can tinkle in the potty with care-free finesse.

Do you ever have trouble getting your kids to use public restrooms?

Training VS. Controlling

This is probably the most challenging lesson I am learning in motherhood.

It was like I was looking into a mirror when my six-year-old daughter, frustrated to the point of tears could not get her three-year-old brother to be quiet. She wanted to prepare the room like a “movie theater,” and with the lights dimmed, she instructed all her brothers to be quiet. Well, one wouldn’t. He made a goofy little sound after each shush, and she. could not. handle it.

Is that what I act like, I wondered? Her desperation and tears seemed all too familiar to me, particularly when I’m trying to control my children. Where did this poor soul learn to be so controlling? She was freaking out over something that’s so small! Oh, dear. What am I teaching her? Instead of my, “Stop freaking out, it’s not a big deal, response,” I compassionately pulled her close. I knew I was to blame.

Too often I get irritable, snappy, and exasperated trying to control my children’s behavior and responses. I’m constantly reminding myself: Loosen up. Don’t be so uptight. Enjoy the moment. Have a grateful heart. And delight in your children. Here are a few things I’ve noticed about training and being controlling. Do you struggle with being controlling?

Training: proactively sets an example and leads by it.
Controlling: reactively snaps at annoying behavior.

Training: gently corrects bad behavior, and nudges them back on the path of good behavior.
Controlling: permits one small spectrum of behavior, and tolerates no other.

Training: consistently and patiently teaches good habits.
Controlling: consistently disappointed and frustrated with current habits and failures.

Training: expects the consistent training of today to reap good behavior in the future.
Controlling: expects sporadic correction to yield perfect behavior now.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Encouraging Sexual Purity

“I really believe that hugs between fathers and teen sons and daughters could do more to encourage the development of sexual purity in teens than any other single factor… There is awesome power in a simple thing like a hug, a wink, and a whispered or pantomimed, “I love you!”

-Josh McDowell
The Father Connection

Respect The Little Guy

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Here, Jane’s “great idea” was constructing a disguise with paper and glue.

He didn’t want to go to Sunday School. “I don’t like the teachers because they talk to me like a baby,” said my friend’s 3-year old. My friend treats her kids ages 3, 1, and 6 months with more respect than I’ve seen almost any mother treat her children. She doesn’t brush them off, or baby-talk to them all day. She treats them like young people who have something interesting to say. Her 3-year old son was perceptive enough to notice when he wasn’t being treated with the respect he was used to.

Did you know that our kids need our respect? We live in a culture that doesn’t value children all that much. They’re kind of annoying, inconvenient, messy little people. Why give them our undivided attention when half the time they don’t even make sense?

These little people may have indiscernable accents, a small vocabulary, and know very little about life, but they are still people. They can sense being brushed off, being mocked, or treated like they know nothing. Treat them like they have nothing valuable to say, and they will grow up to be very insecure adults. Or, treat them like equals who have something intelligent to say, and watch their confidence grow.

Here are a few ways we can treat our children with respect:

1. Don’t mock them. As Mark Driscoll once noted, “They have little ears, but they’re functional.” A 2 or 3-year old can sense being made fun of (and can have their spirits crushed by it). Don’t laugh at their expense; you may be doing more damage than you realize. Treat them the way you like to be treated.

2. Praise their efforts. Every time you praise them for cleaning up or doing a math problem, you are giving them a token of motivation that they will be able to use in the future. If you’re stingy with your praise, your children will lack the motivation to attempt new challenges. They need affirmation as much as you do.

3. Listen to the whole story. Sometimes kids’ stories seem to go on forever. Give them the attention you’d like to have when you don’t quite have the words. Stay focused to the end.

4. Expect them to understand. They won’t always, but put the bar up there, so they can rise up to it. Use words they’re unfamiliar with on purpose. Talk to them like little adults, so they can get used to interacting with people in a mature way.

5. Engage their ideas. Our 6-year old daughter is often declaring to us that she has “a great idea!” Listen to their ideas and run with them. It may not be physically possible every time, but don’t shut down their ideas so often that they stop having them. Show them you value their creativity by employing their ideas.

Then little children were brought to Him that He might put [His] hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”    Matthew 19:14-15

Picky Eating

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It can be frustrating when a child refuses to eat their food. I’m particularly prone to bitterness when I’ve worked hard on a healthy meal, and the response I hear from tiny little voices is, “I don’t want that!”

Most of us are blessed enough to be able to eat 3 meals a day, plus snacks. Meat is an everyday event; cereal, chips, and baked goods overflow. It used to be that only royalty had the means to obtain a pineapple, and they had to send ships halfway across the world to get it! We are overly blessed to have an abundance of food at our disposal, and my kids have no idea.

I know I have to make a concerted effort to instill thankfulness in their hearts. And oftentimes lack is what produces hearty thankfulness. So when I hear, “I don’t want that!” I don’t play the, well-what-do-you-want game. The rule in our house is, you don’t have to eat it, but there are no substitutes, and no snacks until the next meal. If they choose to go hungry, by the next mealtime they are ready to be thankful for what’s served them! Hungry kids aren’t picky!

We talk quite a bit about being thankful for our food around here. All the kids know that the best way to show that we’re thankful for our food is by eating it!

…in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.    1 Thessalonians 5:18

A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, But to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.   Proverbs 27:7

Selfish Children

076Other people’s selfish children can be annoying. But when it’s your own child being selfish, it can be downright disheartening. It’s embarrassing to see your child shamelessly display incredible self-centeredness in public.

I believe the best way to teach your children generosity is by example. Jesus is the ultimate example of generosity, and if you are not following His example, probably your children aren’t either. Do your children hear you calling them, “Hey guys, come here! I have a treat to share with you!” Or are they used to, “No! Get away from that! That’s mine, don’t touch it!” Does your home teach your children the joy of generosity, or the burdensome task carefully guarding your stuff for yourself?

Secondly, children need to have the freedom to be selfish if they are to learn genuine generosity. If they are being forced to share their stuff with others, then they are not really learning to do so. They will likely spring back to selfishness as soon as the authority figure leaves the room. They need to know their stuff is theirs. Theirs to keep. Theirs to give.  

When selfish hearts get vocal at our house, the envied toy automatically goes to the person to whom it belongs. The other child may then politely ask for permission to play with it. The owner of the toy gets to make the ultimate decision whether to share or not, but they are strongly encouraged to do so. Here are some questions I often ask to get them thinking about generosity:

  • “Do you like it when I share my ice cream [or other item you’ve recently shared] with you?” (Of course the answer is, “Yes.”) “Then you should also share your stuff with your brother.”
  • “I think it would really bless your brother if you let him play with it. Would you like to bless him by letting him play with it for a little while?”
  • “You can say ‘no’ if you want to, but that’s called ‘selfishness.’ It’s wrong to be selfish, and it makes Jesus sad when we’re selfish. Would you rather share like Jesus shares?”
  • “Jesus is very kind to us, isn’t He? He always shares His stuff with us, and He says that we should be like Him and share our stuff with others.”

When children are given the freedom to share and the freedom to be selfish, they will better own their decision. As you point to Jesus’ example of generosity and imitate it yourself, you will likely see your children follow in your footsteps.

And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us… Ephesians 5:2

Six Tips on Potty Training

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After potty training 3 times, here are some pointers I’ve collected along the way.

1. Toilet seat lips. The cute character-themed toilet seat lips are not worth the trouble. They trap urine in the crevasses, and have to be cleaned constantly to avoid making your bathroom smell like urine. You’re continually taking them off for the adults, and putting them back on for the kid. Also, where do you store those things? Mine was an eye sore in my bathroom. Storing it on the side of the toilet was usually what I did, but it was bulky and awkward. I was always worried that it was secretly dripping urine on my floor. Turns out, my 2 year old can balance perfectly on a adult-sized toilet without falling in! Skipping the toilet lip saved me a lot of hassle and messes this last time around!

2. Incentive. A little treat each time they go to the restroom will help with motivation. I think a small edible reward is a good little prize for going on the potty. I like to hand out something like Goldfish Crackers. It’s not as unhealthy as candy, but fun enough to get them excited. It’s small enough that you won’t mind giving them one each time they potty on the toilet.

3. Bare bottoms. Toddlers are more aware of their plumbing when they’re bare (or mostly bare). They will be more likely to notice the sensation of needing to use the bathroom if they don’t have diapers, or layers of clothes “padding” them from the consequences. If you go hard on this method for a few days, you could potentially have your toddler potty trained in a weekend.

4. Salty snacks and favorite drinks. Let them go crazy on their favorite salty snack. Popcorn is good, because it’s so light, and they can eat more of it. Then pump them full of fluids. Get them excited about getting their favorite drink in their favorite cup. You can do juice, milk, chocolate milk, tea; however, I never advocate kids drinking a lot of soda which lends nothing to their nutrition. Doing this is especially helpful if you are trying to potty train in a short amount of time, and you want to increase their trips to the bathroom.

5. Diapers over Pull-ups. Pull-ups are fun and cute, and a little more convenient, but they are pricey and not completely necessary. You can get the same use out of your diapers, just by fastening them slightly looser than normal. That way you can pull them up and down with ease. You can use up the rest of your diapers and save a little money by bypassing the Pull-ups.

6. The casual method. The more casual method of potty training may look like taking your toddler to the toilet whenever you have the chance, not really worrying about accidents. You keep them in their diaper all day, praising and rewarding them when they actually drop something in the toilet. This method takes longer, but is more convenient if you don’t have the opportunity to stay glued to your toddler’s side, watching him like a hawk for several days.

What are some potty-training tricks that made your potty-training experience successful?

Stop Repeating Yourself A Gazillion Times

20130421-233827.jpgWe’re usually blowing a head gasket before we realize we’ve been repeating ourselves for the last hour. It creeps up on you. You may be giving out a task to your children as you go about your business, but you don’t realize it hasn’t been completed until you pass by your child- still idle. You remind your child of the task again… and again, only to find out it’s still not accomplished. Eventually, your blood pressure rises and you find yourself asking, “WHY ARE THERE STILL TOYS ON THE FLOOR!?!”

1. Make sure your voice isn’t background noise. Put your hand on their shoulder, squat down, and look them in the eye. Once they are looking back at you, then give them direction.

2. Go for the awkward silence. After making eye contact and giving them their chore, keep looking at them and wait for them to start. They will realize that you are waiting for them to get on it, and begin to move.

3. “Yes Sir/Ma’am” Chart. I got this idea from the Duggars. That fantastic family of 19 well-behaved children. Each child gets a blank chart, and every time they respond with a “Yes, Ma’am!” or “Yes, Sir!” they get to mark an “X.” If they fill up all their boxes, they get to choose a prize out of our “prize bucket” (which I fill with dollar store treasures). This has two great effects. First, it teaches your child that beautiful phrase, “Yes, Ma’am/Sir,” and secondly, it encourages cheerful obedience.

4. Check their work. Create a habit of following up on their work. The more often you check to see if they did it right (or at all), the more often they will follow through correctly.

5. Mean what you say. Let’s admit it. We say a lot of things that we don’t really mean. Ask yourself, do you really care if they follow through or not? If it’s not that big of a deal that they pick their blanket up off the floor, communicate it that way. “I don’t really like looking at your blanket, would you mind putting it away?” But if it’s essential, choose your words differently. Use your “Please go do this now” tone sparingly. If your serious tone is overused, then it won’t be taken seriously.

6. Enforce. Name a consequence that will be given if the chore is disobeyed or ignored. Maybe a spanking, or a removal of privileges. If they don’t complete the task in the allotted amount of time, follow through with the consequence. (But remember, don’t threaten if you don’t intend to follow through!)

7. Praise generously. Nothing will motivate them to want to work hard for you like making a big deal out of their obedience. Hoop and holler, give out hugs, kisses, high fives, and loud “Well Done’s!” They will learn to take pride in their work if you are proud of their work.