How To Not Freak Out

20130829-113208.jpgOh, the guilt after losing our temper with our children. We may have said some harsh words, grabbed a little arm too tightly, muttered a threat between clenched teeth, or spanked in anger. Whatever you did to cause your mean-mommy-guilt, there’s hope through repentance and forgiveness. 

I really appreciate Michelle Duggar’s (mother of 19) advice on not losing it as a parent. Here’s a little video she did on how to not freak out on your kids. 

I always encourage parents never to hesitate to apologize to your kids if you’ve sinned against them. Nothing heals that relationship like a parent humbly asking their child for forgiveness.

 

But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.     Colossians 3:8

Apologizing To Your Kids

IMG_2950You were a total jerk to your kids. Even though they were getting out of hand, you lost your temper and took it out on them. No wait- that was me. Who knew I had such a problem with anger? Like Jim Bob Duggar says, “I never had an anger problem before I had kids!”

When you find yourself suffering from mean mommy guilt, the best thing to do is go and apologize to your kids. Take the chance that they might not learn their lesson. They just might learn an even more important one from hearing you apologize: repentance.

We first repent to God, and then the victim of our sin- our children. It takes humility to apologize to such small people who are under our authority. But your apology is powerful. It can heal, and win their little hearts. And that’s what we want, isn’t it? We want to win their hearts so our influence carries weight.

Repentance is the basic building of block of Christianity. Martin Luther believed that the entire life of the Christian should be one of repentance. Tim Kellar states, “It is the way we make progress in the Christian life.” Your kids already know you’re not perfect. So don’t worry about losing ground that you never really had. Show them how to deal with failure by submitting to Jesus, and embracing forgiveness. I pray you hear similar words that I often hear from my little Jane, “Mommy, I will always forgive you!”

For godly sorrow produces repentance [leading] to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

The Goal Is Reconciliation

005-6.jpgIn correcting and disciplining our children, it’s important to remember the goal: Reconciliation.  Whether our child is being corrected for hitting, being selfish, being rude, etc., make it your goal to reconcile them to the person offended, and ultimately to God.  Avoid being simply corrective: “Stop that!” “That was his first, give it back!” “Don’t talk to me like that!”  It’s easy to adopt the attitude of, “Stop sinning because it’s irritating me.” There’s no reconciliation in that. Our privilege as parents is to train them to be kind, compassionate, responsible people for their own good. The byproduct is that we parents are also blessed by their good behavior.  A child who is never given the opportunity to reconcile their wrongs is likely to feel angry and insecure.

Think of the way God confronts us. He causes us to recognize our sin. We repent, and He forgives us. We can follow this example by pointing out our child’s sin, giving them the opportunity to apologize to the offended, encouraging the victim to verbally forgive them.  You don’t even need to make your child apologize most of the time. Showing them your disapproval of their behavior is usually enough to make them feel remorse for their actions. Appeal to their conscience. Appeal to God’s laws and biblical truth. By doing this you are teaching them to respect authority.  When they apologize, make sure they say what they’re sorry for. This helps them to own their sin, rather than mumbling out an insincere apology.  Whether you’re the victim of their crime, or another child is, follow through with the reconciliation process by insisting on genuine forgiveness. After we declare that the offender is forgiven, we don’t need to remind them of our disappointment, disapproval, or irritation. Pay close attention to your facial expression! If you still have irritation in your eyes, be confident that they will notice! Smile lovingly, and encourage them to have fun as they return to their play.

Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation… 2 Cor. 5:18